CAN'T DO IT! REALLY TRIED-------JUST CAN'T DO IT.

You know ever since the "bad choice" was made recently by me it has really shook me up a bit. I have wished that I could take it back as it was something I should not have done. I am referring to the subject of my previous post. I began thinking that maybe it's time to drop it and let it go. Drop what and let it go? My story is what. I started this with a purpose in mind. That purpose was to allow people in the community the chance to have some factual knowledge about the goings on in their community. It isn't something I am forcing on anyone. People's lives are busy and a lot of folks will not take a look at what I offer. It's a shame because a lot of those that don't, if they had just started, would probably have become interested very quickly and continued on learning about this, and being glad they did. I began thinking that what I had been investing in was really negative energy that I was wasting, while my present life was passing me by while I was doing this. For a short time I had begun to convince myself that it was time to distance myself from this and make the best of the rest of my life. Well in reality I haven't devoted nearly the time to this I originally intended. It is something I can complete at my own desire as I wish.
I discovered a startling reality. I tried to pull all this down and I CAN'T.
I mean, I could pull it down. Something deep inside stopped me when I started to do it. Pulling it down and walking away just suddenly became NOT AN OPTION. I realized during those moments of trying to take this off the net that this is a part of me. This is how important this is, as it is my life and what happened to it as a result of the reckless & unfeeling actions of a few people and the only reason anyone is able to read this is because there was no wrong doing on my part to have brought about this type of action against me. MY BEING INNOCENT AND THE IMPACT THIS has made is something I choose to speak out about. It is so important to me that if someone takes me to court over it I am willing to go. If that happens then this whole story becomes and is my presentation to the legal system. I understand that under current laws that nothing may be in my favor. I could wind up with things getting very nasty against me. Things would not go against me because I am wrong, but rather because we have yet to create laws and governances to rule on the type of abuse I have suffered. I am a classic case of the need for the enactment of laws to prevent this type of thing happening to anyone of you out there in your own jobs and lives. No one should ever be forced to leave their job without JUST CAUSE. Just as my job at Finley's was so much more than a paycheck-----it was a position that was enterwoven into my life--------how could this story about it that I want to share be anything less than the fabric of my life in print.
I would love to return to a similar position with another company and resuming what I have done for so long. I have gone on though. God has been my constant companion, that is how it feels too me anyway. I say that because despite the challenges I have had thrown at me (and there have been many), it seems unexpected things happen ever so often in my favor, and at just the right time. I was never lazy and I always was told that God tends to help those who try to help themselves. I have always chosen to believe that. In fact today I do something that a lot of folks wouldn't consider a job. I actually perform a service that helps others and that is a good feeling to know you've maybe helped someone a little who needed and appreciated it. It also has taken care of my life financially to this point. I also get to sleep on my own pillow at home which was not a thing you did working at Finley's. I also have a lot of free time thru the week and I am sure people see me come and go at my house at all times of the day and they probably wonder how I survive. I do survive and God just seems to be there. Well it's getting that time that I need to go back to bed so will close this. Pretend every 24 hour day we are given is a mini lifetime. Try to take time to soak in the beauty around you that is free, and that our creator provided for us to enjoy. Life should never be so busy that you can't take a moment for yourself. It's a healthy thing to do, and it's ok to do it. Goodnight!

Owning up to a Bad Choice

This is a particularly important post. There are times in our lives that we do something and later have time to think about it and realize that we could have made a better choice. I had such a moment today----9/11/07.
I have a few business cards from years back when I was employed at Finley Engineering Co., Inc. They have my name splashed across the front.
Carlos Rossi and his Sangria are in part responsible for the choice I made today which was not the choice I should have followed. In relaxing for the evening I enjoyed a little more of Mr. Rossi's Sangria than I should have and I got to thinking about some things. The thoughts centered around this blog and why I started it. Mark Ogle was one of the people at Finley's that was inappropriately arrogant with me. He lives in Nevada, Mo. and the last time I saw Mark he was at our local grocery store. He recognized me and casually asked how I was doing. I told him I was surviving. Although Mark treated me harshly and unfairly when I was an employee at Finley's, I would still talk to him with decency today if he were to be the same. As I was sitting around thinking about the past events in my life I got the urge to take one of those cards and put some info on the back. This URL was one of those bits of info. One thing no one has ever done is to tell me why I was forced out of the company. No one has ever gave me an exact reason and I deserve to know. I actually got to thinking that Mark might talk to me about it after all this time. It is amazing how you see things a little differently when you have been drinking a little. I took the card and went over to his house. I knocked on the door but no one answered. I started to leave and as I did I stuck the card in his door. What was I thinking? Well now that the effects of the Sangria have worn off and it's early morning, I realize I made a choice by leaving that card and also to go over to his house, that I shouldn't have made. I cannot undo it now but I can post this post to explain my actions. I would like to take a moment to make an apology to Mark Ogle for choosing at this time to even come over to his house---an action I will not choose to ever do again. I should not have left the business card stuck in his door and for this I apologize. I would like to have talked with him if he were willing and if he were civil with me, rather than rude as he was in 2002. It would actually have been helpful to me and my feelings about things, if he were to do that. I do hope that he reads my blog and this post and if he should take any interest to read it he might end up with
some true sympathy concerning the past, I don't know, I can always hope. You know that being said I would even like to sit down with Kim Little and discuss the past if he were to take it seriously. Anger between people's solves nothing and it isn't the way to feel better. I harbor unpleasant feelings about the past, sure. I was very brutally treated and without just cause. A great disruption and upset was put upon my life and has left some scars that will always remain. Despite that though I would welcome the chance to go back and just sit and visit about the past and why this man chose the things he did in regards to me and my employment. Well I am going back to bed but I felt this should be covered in a post and so it is. Once again Mark, I apologize for a poor choice this evening and that won't be repeated. With that apology I have attempted to also explain my actions.